Call it a Social Anxiety, I have hard time having a conversation with new people. Especially, if I have to meet friends of friends or friends cousins/family members. So, it is extremely rare from my end to be friends with these new people unless the action/persuasion happens from the other side, looking back, I can count on my fingers. Perhaps, the experiences I’ve had in the past, where I felt people judged me right on my face, or my inability to participate in any conversations for lack of knowledge in areas of discussion or if I am making up all this in my head, not sure. I have myriad of thoughts running in my head of what if’s, then’s, else’s or something weird that I think of with the end goal that they might be looking down on me or Is it just that I get that sort of feeling with few people. It just is and hard to justify even though they are very nice to me and I mean nothing to them and may forget me the next moment the occasion ends. But, I carry forward the feelings, at times good, some times bad. I remember bad feelings quite often than good, guess, that is human nature. That is why, I have another new year resolution for me to think only positive of any situation. It helps me to be sane and If I have to meet them again, then I would feel good and look forward to meet any one for that matter. What do you think?
How about you? how do you look forward to meeting new people? what do you chat when you meet? are you a natural conversationalist? I have too many questions to ask. With some people, the conversation just flows and with other’s (which is majority in my case) it becomes most like Q & A with yes or no answers and I look for every opportunity to get away from them and not to meet them ever again. Is it me or them? or if they are in the same boat as me. I am not sure. And that is why, I have hard time meeting you my dear blogger friends. As much as I love reading your blog posts, I categorize myself as one who may not fit in your world. I would not know, unless I try. Someday, I muster enough courage to give it a try. One day.
I try to pay attention to other’s who are good at making conversations, the topics they choose and questions they ask and how they put an effort to make a personal connection with them, some how. I am amazed at some of my friends, cousins who have confidence to meet any new people without shying away. On the other hand, I fight with my inner self so much to make such attempts. Why is it so hard for me? And yes, writing just my thoughts out here want me to get to the root of this problem, and find solution to make my life better. Finding a problem in itself is an accomplishment, now, onto looking for ways.
How about you all?