Tag Archive | conversations

Day 20 : Meeting people in a social setting

Call it a Social Anxiety, I have hard time having a conversation with new people. Especially, if I have to meet friends of friends or friends cousins/family members.  So, it is extremely rare from my end to be friends with these new people unless the action/persuasion happens from the other side, looking back, I can count on my fingers.  Perhaps, the experiences I’ve had in the past, where I felt people judged me right on my face, or my inability to participate in any conversations for lack of knowledge in areas of discussion or if I am making up all this in my head, not sure. I have myriad of thoughts running in my head of what if’s, then’s, else’s or something weird that I think of with the end goal that they might be looking down on me or Is it just that I get that sort of feeling with few people. It just is and hard to justify even though they are very nice to me and I mean nothing to them and may forget me the next moment the occasion ends. But, I carry forward the feelings, at times good, some times bad. I remember bad feelings quite often than good, guess, that is human nature. That is why, I have another new year resolution for me to think only positive of any situation. It helps me to be sane and If I have to meet them again, then I would feel good and look forward to meet any one for that matter. What do you think?

How about you? how do you look forward to meeting new people? what do you chat when you meet? are you a natural conversationalist? I have too many questions to ask. With some people, the conversation just flows and with other’s (which is majority in my case) it becomes most like Q & A with yes or no answers and I look for every opportunity to get away from them and not to meet them ever again. Is it me or them? or if they are in the same boat as me. I am not sure. And that is why, I have hard time meeting you my dear blogger friends. As much as I love reading your blog posts, I categorize myself as one who may not fit in your world. I would not know, unless I try. Someday, I muster enough courage to give it a try. One day.

I try to pay attention to other’s who are good at making conversations, the topics they choose and questions they ask and how they put an effort to make a personal connection with them, some how. I am amazed at some of my friends, cousins who have confidence to meet any new people without shying away. On the other hand, I fight with my inner self so much to make such attempts. Why is it so hard for me? And yes, writing just my thoughts out here want me to get to the root of this problem, and find solution to make my life better. Finding a problem in itself is an accomplishment, now, onto looking for ways.

How about you all?

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Fear of Social networking

What people think of me:

Most of my friends think that I am a social butterfly, vivacious and cheery with people. I can instantly make a conversation with any random stranger on the train, cafeteria at work, elevator or any where. I just walk up to people and do not shy away from asking any questions if I need to.

What actually I am:

I am not what my friends think of me. I try hard to stay away from parties, social networking events and any gatherings. I can make small talk but not a smooth flow of conversation, unless the other party is an equal participant and we have common topic to speak about or i have absolutely no knowledge about certain topics, it makes up for good conversation. They speak with an unequivocal excitement and I have no qualms in getting interested and be very curious about. I can do well one-on-one at times, I kind of take a back seat when in group. I am an passive participant in most cases. I feel lost in a party all alone. I wish, I could just jump into some random group and become active participant. I just cannot take the plunge. If forced into such situation, there is no doubt, I come home happy being there. It is that first step to do that scares me and the follow up later. I do not follow up nor I take initiative by thinking that I am not up to their mark and let go of such opportunities.

The why?

Primary problem, I have is of undermining my presence and importance in any social setting or in any one’s life, ergo, will make me run away from such situations. I cringe at the thought of answering phone calls including friends and relatives. It takes lot of effort and energy on my mind to attend a call or try and call back. The more physical distance = most of my friendships were lost.  I also, think people judge me.. who doesn’t? I keep forming opinions about others all the time.. so why should any one care of what others think?. The underlying problem perhaps – Fear of people looking down on me? I am not sure.

The next steps…

I have this problem at professional and personal level. I need to address it sooner than later. It also means to respect my self more, and treating myself as I would treat some one else. I will be taking up every opportunity to socialize and step forward with no fear to have conversation. I will not miss a phone call and try to call back at immediate opportunity.

Any good book or video recommendations or tips you have that will help me get over this fear of social anxiety? Is it even called a social anxiety?