Day 13: Year-end ramblings begin

I cannot possibly come to terms with the time lapse this year. How it flew by while life happens without much progress. The pending things from last year still remain and some of them have been taking a toll on my brain’s will power resulting in extra grey hair. The irony is that they are as small tasks as it takes an hour or a day at most, but I continue procrastinating.  The greyness in my hair increased drastically over the course of last year. It does not help that other than the pending list that I have to get over with for a peace of mind, the constant question I get asked by my colleagues, friends and family every time I interact with them on becoming a parent adds another level of stress with me being in 30’s and the biological clock’s ticking away as years passes by. Now, why is this every body’s business?. At times, I am at wits end and that is making me more creative in my responses.  This becomes unbearable especially, when I have had difficult day. This is exactly the same pressure I felt when I was single.

Looking back, the pressure was always there- the typical societal standards are to go to school – get good grades, crack the entrance exams, get a job, get married, have kids, take care of elders, take care of kids by sacrificing your career, become old and expect that kids will take care of you when you get immobile. Just writing it down made me cringe. At the end of the day, majority of us more or less follow that path, albeit differently, in our own way, with our convenience, additionally doing what we can as situations and Will Power permits. It is that Will Power to do what you want when everyone is against it happens only when you have faith in yourself. Now, who is everyone? You get to define that. If that everyone includes just you – then you are the person to convince to go ahead. It’s funny how many of us use everyone says that, everyone thinks that way and so on, and we use it as a matter of fact. Speaking of which, there was an instance where, when my mother was commenting about something that I had brought, and she kept on using the term “Everyone dislikes that”? Now, I was curious and had to ask who all said that? She just named one person and that person does not have any knowledge in that area to even have an opinion about it. My mother did not know either; she just passed the comment along without giving any thought until I questioned her. This made her think.

It is easier to blame others for our feelings for certain conversations. The fact is that people in general just speak about various things and it is human nature to be curious about everything. I do that too.  It is like “Good Morning”, “How are you doing?”, they mean nothing until we start giving weightage in our head. It nails down to how you associate your feelings with what other’s had to speak with you and over analyzing takes away the joyful spirit in that. It’s all in the mind. It certainly is. Which is of course hard to master, but it’s not impossible.

Are you all looking back as well? How are you feeling about it?


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