What people think of me:
Most of my friends think that I am a social butterfly, vivacious and cheery with people. I can instantly make a conversation with any random stranger on the train, cafeteria at work, elevator or any where. I just walk up to people and do not shy away from asking any questions if I need to.
What actually I am:
I am not what my friends think of me. I try hard to stay away from parties, social networking events and any gatherings. I can make small talk but not a smooth flow of conversation, unless the other party is an equal participant and we have common topic to speak about or i have absolutely no knowledge about certain topics, it makes up for good conversation. They speak with an unequivocal excitement and I have no qualms in getting interested and be very curious about. I can do well one-on-one at times, I kind of take a back seat when in group. I am an passive participant in most cases. I feel lost in a party all alone. I wish, I could just jump into some random group and become active participant. I just cannot take the plunge. If forced into such situation, there is no doubt, I come home happy being there. It is that first step to do that scares me and the follow up later. I do not follow up nor I take initiative by thinking that I am not up to their mark and let go of such opportunities.
The why?
Primary problem, I have is of undermining my presence and importance in any social setting or in any one’s life, ergo, will make me run away from such situations. I cringe at the thought of answering phone calls including friends and relatives. It takes lot of effort and energy on my mind to attend a call or try and call back. The more physical distance = most of my friendships were lost. I also, think people judge me.. who doesn’t? I keep forming opinions about others all the time.. so why should any one care of what others think?. The underlying problem perhaps – Fear of people looking down on me? I am not sure.
The next steps…
I have this problem at professional and personal level. I need to address it sooner than later. It also means to respect my self more, and treating myself as I would treat some one else. I will be taking up every opportunity to socialize and step forward with no fear to have conversation. I will not miss a phone call and try to call back at immediate opportunity.
Any good book or video recommendations or tips you have that will help me get over this fear of social anxiety? Is it even called a social anxiety?
Hidden Passions 
Yes I think everyone suffers social anxiety to a certain extent. The question is do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert. You can still have a shy extrovert and conversely an introvert who is full of self confidence. Introverts will join in and socialise but only in moderation before it all gets too much and they need to withdraw back into their own world which is where they feel most comfortable. That’s what I read somewhere anyway. So I guess a shy introvert would suffer social anxiety the most.
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You summed it up nicely. I wish, I could just say strongly that I am an shy extrovert, I may be not.
I have met such introverts full of self confidence and I admired that quality in them. I waiver between both depending on the occasion or the kind of people I hang out with. I shy away mostly and lack the topics to have a flowing conversation.
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I have to be honest here. I felt that you described me. I can so many times feel the pressure of socializing even though people think it comes so easily to me. I had seen this TED talk on introverts and I realized I fall in the middle. Like 65% introvert. Look it up on YouTube. I can’t remember the title.
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haha,,, may be it’s all in our heads. You seem to be more on extrovert side than on introvert based on your posts. :):)
I think, I might have heard that TED talk, and I must have categorized myself somewhere.. can’t remember.
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The first 2 comments already answered your questions. I agree everyone feels uncomfortable in certain social situations, regardless of where they fall on the introvert/extrovert range.
Also, I think when the other person/people in the group are empathetic/good listeners/responsive, the conversation goes well even if we are strangers or have very little in common. Whereas social anxiety can crop up when people in the group are not welcoming, inclusive, don’t listen well, talk AT you rather than TO you, bore you with unnecessary detail, get too intimate too soon, or make other social errors. So, I think it depends on us and how we approach people, but it also depends to a large extent on how the people in question receive and respond to us.
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Aaah Priya, you got the point right. It’s boils down to combination of both the parties involved in the conversation(s).
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