Dissolving anger ? How ?

Does everyone have the ability to solve the problem under any given situation? I have my doubts about myself. If there is a problem, how does a person react?  I do not know how to solve it? I panic and I get defensive and start yelling at them for ruining my time and in turn I become so miserable for longer time interval.

Unfortunately, I only yell at people who are close to my heart and know for sure that they will not hold grudges against me for yelling at them.  I lash out harsh words that really hurt them and later, when I cool down, it hurts me for speaking that way. Well, I can never take my words back. It has already caused the irreversible damage.  Is it not? I often wonder why my emotions in general are so intense.

There is a clear need to find a way to control my anger. I am making someone accountable for my inability to handle a situation or being not prepared well enough to think through scenarios.  Why should I let someone have their impact on me?  I question myself from time to time and yet I cannot stop myself. It is no excuse.  It is the time to learn to find a solution to the problem, than displaying anger by shouting.

The other reason I found is, some of the anger on a person stems from my past interactions, or them being mean to me at one point of time in life (even though they are sweet and nice people now), or used me to their advantage.  I am also angry on myself for certain things from the past. I am stuck there. My best and dearest one suggested me to put things in perspective. The only way to get ahead is to learn to not repeat the same mistake and move forward. Forgive yourself and forgive others that caused you so much pain and be a free spirit. True, but It is easier said than done.

Anger seems to be more damaging mentally. I need a way out and I am determined to find a solution to this recurring problem.

What about you folks? How do you get past your anger if you have such intense emotion? How do you deal with the situation? I really am looking forward to hearing from you that will help me some way to get past and look beyond the anger.

 

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12 thoughts on “Dissolving anger ? How ?

  1. I can totally relate to this. For me, my husband takes most of my explosive moments however being conscious of this problem is the first step. Second is to know when you are about to yell and don’t. Literally walk away take deep breaths and write down your thoughts – literally, take a pen/pencil and paper and jot down what you are thinking. Don’t hold back just write until you’ve run out of words. You will find that the intense anger won’t be there any more and skimming through the words you’ve written you will find the answers. Why are you so mad? What did that person do? Are they the problem or are you simply reacting based on past annoyances that you didn’t with before? Is there anything YOU can do to make it better? If not, shouldn’t you just let it go? Being angry takes up a lot of energy, it’s so much better to feel happy. Hug more laugh more – do what feels good. Don’t waste energy on negative thoughts – choose to be happy.

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      • Absolutely. They do work for me and highly recommend it. Guys are great because you can get them mad one minute but they typical bounce right back after awhile but they can only take so much. They’re not punching bags I realize so it’s best to take it out on paper. 😉

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  2. Thank you for the honest post. I find it very interesting and enlightening to read about anger from this point of view. I am a very passive person. I have someone very close to me, however, that struggles with intense emotions and anger management. Being on the receiving end, I will state that yes, your words do cause harm and damage. No, you can’t take them back after they leave you mouth. I have a really this person is in the same boat as you are not being able to control it. I am looking forward to more comments, I’d love to bring some answers to this person, if they will listen and not get mad and defensive, that is.

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    • I can understand the pain at receiving end. I have been there as well. I usually scream back and it only results in bigger and worse fights.
      When the person calms down, may be you should communicate with them how much it hurts. Communication is the key. Please look at some of the comments suggested here to tackle the anger, they seem to help. I am going to try what they have suggested here as well.

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  3. I suffer from the same. It’s like a switch flicks and I want to say the meanest and most hurtful things and make the person feel really bad somehow. And it all comes out for my closest people. For the rest, I am a meek rabbit and my eyes just well up if they offend me somehow. It’s horrible. You know, every time I think of the xBF I feel guilt about my outbursts and meanness where he was calm all the time and would just try to make it alright and do all cute things. Ugh.

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    • I am exactly the same when it comes to others.. a meek rabbit 🙂 .. rightly said.
      I feel guilty post-out-burst too.. and for so long that it sometimes haunts me in my dreams. I am learning to let go. It gets so awkward for some time until this part of “drama” is shoved under the carpet. But, now I am learning to address the problem and apologize by putting my “ego” aside.
      Please don’t feel horrible, the moment you acknowledge and try not repeat the same thing – it means you are going forward, otherwise we are just struck there. That feeling. That moment.

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    • Oh noo.. I used to be sarcastic with everyone all the time at one point of time in my life, I learned it from our regional movies..It just sounded so cool back then. I continued until my BFF actually addressed it and said how much it hurts her and I have been conscious of how I speak and what I speak to people in general.

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    • Thank you Priya. I read this post few months back and was really impressed and went onto to read more about why one get’s angry. This I am sure must have had some impact on me that calmed me at times of distress, as I remember mulling it over about this post for few days.

      When the situation arose, it just feels like there is this fuzzy cloud that takes the reasoning out of my head. I had to get the point across and I had to be mean, hurtful and if the other person is calm, I start screaming until I feel they are hurt , feel bad, ruin the environment and I had to be miserable. This is plain meanness from my part and I am trying to get over it. I will book mark your page and re-read it until it sits in my head permanently.
      Thank you for sharing again.

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